Archive for the ‘The World is Ridiculous’ category

Great contest at Slate – Google Search

November 11, 2009

Oh, man. I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw some of the results of this contest.  Essentially, Slate asked readers to submit the best “less intelligent” and “more intelligent” autofill on the google query.

I liked the juxtaposition of “how do i destroy my jeans” and “how do i destroy the world,” but there are lots of gems in this.  Check it out.

Scooter parking

June 2, 2009

I was walking through the square the other day and happened to catch this. Couldn’t help but snap a photo.

parking ticket

Finally, someone using a robot the way a robot should be used

July 31, 2006

First off, sorry about the delay in blogging. I was busy quitting my job and got distracted from the more important things (like sharing worthless information with total strangers on the internet).

Anyway, on to the sharing…

I saw this article the other day about a Japanese researcher, named Hiroshi Ishiguro, who had created an android version of himself. It’s not really that exciting that someone has made a robot that looks like a human, because, in my opinion, we’re technologically deadened by the cool new gadgets that come out literally every week. Well, that and the fact that the free world has been run by an android for the last 6 and 1/2 years:

Bush the Robot

A couple of things about the Japanese android and his creator struck me as cool and interesting. First, the guy actually sends to robot to do his work – fullfilling the dreams of every kid who has had to mow the lawn, of every college student too hung over to go to the early morning lecture, and of every corporate employee who would rather be sitting at the beach instead of sitting in the weekly “customer service and support” meeting.

Ishiguro has set up the android to be able to mimic his voice, posture, and lip movements. It has a built in microphone and speaker system so that he Ishiguro can plug in his laptop from anywhere in the world and literally be the robot. So cool.

The second thing about the Ishiguro and his android that struck me is how they kind of look like the Japanese version of Christopher Reeve.
Robot and creator

A man and his robot – I’m pretty sure that’s the robot on the left, giving the “Blue Steel” look.

Travel Policies and Prohibited Items

July 17, 2006

I’m going camping at Catalina Island off the coast of Southern California this weekend. We’re taking a ferry out to the island and when I was making my reservations today, I noticed this extremely thorough list of prohibited items (see below):

Acids, batteries, boxes (except those containing apparel or mechanic’s tools), camp stoves and lanterns (except electric or when propane or butane canisters are removed), charcoal, chinaware, human corpses, construction materials, cots, dangerous articles, explosives, firewood, fireworks, food stuffs, furniture, gambling devices, gasoline, glass or glassware, guns (loaded), household articles, inflammable materials, internal combustion engines of any kind, jewelry, kerosene, liquids, lumber, matches, merchandise, motorcycles, nails, outboard motors, perishable articles, paint, paint thinner, private papers or articles of extraordinary value, produce, televisions (except portable), tires, trail bikes, typewriters (except portable), and wire.

If you didn’t catch it, read again, but look in the “c’s.” That’s right, they prohibit you from carrying human corpses on the boat. Now, I’m not exactly a world traveller, but I have been to a few places, and I’ve never even thought of transporting a human corpse somewhere. I don’t even know why someone would want to take a human corpse on the ferry to Catalina Island. Burial at sea? Strange cult corpse ritual that must be performed on a moonlit night on an island in the Pacific? Don’t want to leave the corpse at home with the dog for the weekend and couldn’t find a spot in the kennel for Fido so you had to bring the corpse instead? I can’t figure it out. Not to mention the fact that the baggage requirements state that each person only gets 2, 70-pound-maximum, 21x24x36 inch bags. I don’t even know if you could fit a corpse in a bag of that size.

I wish I knew the story behind this rule. I wish I knew the stories behind lots of weird rules.

Baby Jumping

April 24, 2006

Book your tickets now, because the annual baby jumping festival in Castrillo de Murcia, Spain is only eight weeks away. In this bizarre festival, grown men, dressed as El Colacho (the devil) jump over tiny babies to ward off bad luck and to cleanse the babies of the evil that infests them when they are born. (You have to love how far these people have taken the concept of original sin: Not only are you born evil, but you have to have some crazy old man jumping over you to save your soul.) Anyway, here are some picture below to get you excited about your trip to Spain. I wasn't able to figure out how much boozing these fellows have undertaken before they bound over the bambinos, though, so don't put your kid out there to be hopped on.
baby jumping

jumping colachol

The Best Public Masturbation Story To Date

April 14, 2006

Joseph “Donald” Scordato of Paterson, NJ was charged with masturbating in public (in front a public movie theater) in September, 2005. This probably isn’t that unusual of an arrest, because I’m sure a lot of people get charged with this. However, there are several unusual and interesting parts to this specific public masturbation case:

1) Scordato is 81 years old. Wow. Masturbating in public at 81. No stage fright for this guy. He’s probably so happy that everything still works that he was just showing off.

2) When the police told him why he was being arrested, he said, “That’s not possible. I don’t have a penis.” Either he’s a really, really bad liar, or his brain is not working nearly as well as the downstairs plumbing.

3) Apparently, when the police didn’t buy the missing genitals excuse, he told them that he wasn’t masturbating, and said, “I have very dry skin and I have to itch it a lot.” That reminds me of something that I heard a kid say in high school: “It’s my penis and I’ll clean it as fast as I want to.”

4) In the courtroom where he was attending his arraignment, he fell asleep in his wheelchair, then when the judge asked him why he didn’t have a lawyer, he said he couldn’t get one because he was in the hospital. See the comment in 2 regarding the state of his brain.

5) Asked how he felt about the charges, Scordato uttered an obscenity and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

This guy’s a real firecracker. Someone needs to sign him and make some money off of this story, because it’s too good to pass up.

Branding your drugs

April 11, 2006

Hey Dealers,

Worried that your pot-laced-junk-food products aren't reaching your target demographic? If so, maybe you should take a hint from Kenneth Affolter, 39, who was selling THC infused candies and sodas from his 1740 Telegraph Ave building. Affolter and others were selling and marketing the products under the brand name "Beyond Bomb." The products were all labelled with very professional looking parodies of real candy and soda products labels. The pictures are below. But first, some notable details and comments:

1) Apparently the products listed the dosages for THC on them. They said "Dosage: One pastry. Do not exceed four pastries in 24 hours." Just make sure you don't leave Keef Kats on the counter where your dog can eat them when you leave for work. I know how bad chocoloate is for dogs, so high-dosage THC-infused chocolate must be hundreds of times worse.

2) People always say that marijuana is harmless and people are so mellow when they're smoking and blah, blah, blah. Yet authorities found more than $150,000 in cash, two semi-automatic weapons and a revolver during the raids. Yeah, real safe and mellow.

Here are the pictures of Beyond Bomb's repetoire:

pot candy

pot tarts

stoney rancher

pot drinks