The Best Public Masturbation Story To Date

Joseph “Donald” Scordato of Paterson, NJ was charged with masturbating in public (in front a public movie theater) in September, 2005. This probably isn’t that unusual of an arrest, because I’m sure a lot of people get charged with this. However, there are several unusual and interesting parts to this specific public masturbation case:

1) Scordato is 81 years old. Wow. Masturbating in public at 81. No stage fright for this guy. He’s probably so happy that everything still works that he was just showing off.

2) When the police told him why he was being arrested, he said, “That’s not possible. I don’t have a penis.” Either he’s a really, really bad liar, or his brain is not working nearly as well as the downstairs plumbing.

3) Apparently, when the police didn’t buy the missing genitals excuse, he told them that he wasn’t masturbating, and said, “I have very dry skin and I have to itch it a lot.” That reminds me of something that I heard a kid say in high school: “It’s my penis and I’ll clean it as fast as I want to.”

4) In the courtroom where he was attending his arraignment, he fell asleep in his wheelchair, then when the judge asked him why he didn’t have a lawyer, he said he couldn’t get one because he was in the hospital. See the comment in 2 regarding the state of his brain.

5) Asked how he felt about the charges, Scordato uttered an obscenity and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

This guy’s a real firecracker. Someone needs to sign him and make some money off of this story, because it’s too good to pass up.

Explore posts in the same categories: Current Events, The World is Ridiculous, Thoughts

5 Comments on “The Best Public Masturbation Story To Date”

  1. Sean Says:

    You are strange. I have been checking our your blog semi regularly, and you never cease to amaze me with how bizarre you are.

    I am at roshan’s now. on the couch for a week. what a new life!!


    Here’s the real issue–why is the man being charged–actually prosecuted? Is he going to run someone down with his wheelchair and make them watch him masturbate in public? It’s cruel to prosecute this man, make him register as a sex offender as of he’s like those who break in windows and rape infants in their cribs and then cut off their heads with butcher knives. I now John Walsh must hate everything sexual because of the evil that was done to his son but his mental illness aside there REALLY is a difference between a public indecency and a child predator. The very worst horror that can possibly occur for an indecency is a woman will see a man’s penis. The real issue is that she didn’t decide to see it. She will cruelly punish a man for seeing his penis in an inopportune place by inisistin gon lifetime registration. This is cruelty and it is going to lead to murders–not the indecency but, rather, the response to it. I for one am going to look at the cop’s family or prosecutor’s family and say, well, you know, I tried to tell you that when you TREAT NUSANCE OFFENSES WITH CRUELTY you invite evil to reply. Enjoy this cesspool you all are making.

  3. Puppe Piles Says:

    I saw this story and I remember when I sat outside of a theater and snorted two huge lines of crystal meth. Then, I couldn’t stop myself from strippinf completely naked. I sat there in the bright lights completely naked and I was masturbating. I was throbbing to spurt bag snot! This gorgeous woman came up and said, “what are you doing”? I said, watch me CUM! So she stood there and watched me squirt. Then I got up and ran. She did not call the police and all is well. I will never do it again. See? Like the last post says, just because we are doing it in public like that doesn’t mean we are dangerous to women!

  4. wayne allen Says:

    Saw a man around 40 completely Naked and masturbating in Dominican Republic and no one called police. He was exhibiting himself right out on a main boulavard. I asked the young lady I was with why is that permitted…she told me he was crazy…I said “yea, crazy like a fox”….gets to be completely Naked in public and masturbating while people watch…

  5. titaagone Says:

    This time, Jarak bowed from the waist, his long white ponytail spilling over one shoulder. His throat worked to swallow, and a fine sheen of sweat shimmered on his skin. Shes already denied me. Nialdlye shook her head. She wanted to lash out, but she was having trouble finding a focus. Her accustomed method of casting, she would likely have caused a worse cavein. She had neither seen nor asked after Tykir, Lanthan, nor Brevin. Appalled, Eyrhaens mouth fell open. She raised her hand and knocked. The entire time youve lived among us, Ive been jealous of you. Through a veil of unwanted tears, she glared at the receding door. She didnt want to know what Nialdlye had to say. She glared up at Tykir when he laughed. Gods damn it, someone fuck me already. She rolled her hips so his shaft rubbed her opening. Sighing, content, she hugged him close as he rolled over. You didnt have to knock. It doesnt exist, just as a truematch shouldnt exist —a little bitterness there— for elvenborn women. His chuckle burst a bubble of dread in her chest. He laughed, pulling his mouth from hers after a few steps.

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