Button-fly Pants

Button-fly jeans and pants seem to be a fairly popular style for men these days.  I have several pairs myself.  Some other bloggers have noted the difficulty of using the button fly when compared to the zipper.  I have another observation.  It is regarding the proper protocol to follow when one is using the urinal in a public restroom with a long line (for example, at a sporting event or a concert).  Usually, when you’re using a public urinal, and there is a long line, you finish up and then discreetly zip on your way to the sink so that the next guy can step right up.  (Don’t get me started about the number of people who don’t wash their hands.)  However, when I’m wearing button-fly pants, it might take me as long as 20 seconds to get all the buttons buttoned.  I can’t decide if it’s better to do this while still facing the urinal (and thus making those in line wait longer), or if it is better to go out into the open and button up while I’m totally exposed.  The best solution I have so far is to find a wall or a corner that is unoccupied that I can go towards and button up without bothering people.   When no such protected area exists, though, I’m stuck.

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5 Comments on “Button-fly Pants”

  1. sideways8 Says:

    i hear you on this issue. Another related problem is the problem of not always being able to unbutton just the fly area of the pants which may result in a full belt unbuckling. This often occurs after a few too many drinks when time is limited. But when the belt’s undone the scene of button up becomes even more ackward. I don’t have the solution for you other than just do it while walking to the sink and act like you don’t care who sees what.

  2. Karp Says:

    Here’s a fun thing to try, especially in a crowded restroom: use the urinal like a four-year-old does, i.e. pull your pants and underwear all the way down to the floor, lift your shirt up to your face, and do your biz. This way, you get all the time you need to recover afterwards, because nobody will come near you. You hope.

  3. Wyogent Says:

    I think I’d feel safe enough buttoning up while walking away, absent an observer with a hockey mask and and a hedge trimmer, in which case a set of chainmail jockey shorts shorts should be de rigeur.

  4. broncosrule Says:

    Ferber,

    Thank you for your brilliant contribution to this blog.


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